Getting stronger

Thursday, February 18, 2010

"It's not all about you. It's not all about him. It is about the both of you. Together.

Thank you buddha for giving me the strength to continue walking down my chosen path.
Everything seemed so bleak initially, but you led the way.
And things are getting better.
My appetite is getting slightly better.
But.. I doubt I'll be eating my usual amount till a really long time later.

Today, I took a bus all the way down to Lot1.
Nope, it wasn't an accident. I did it deliberately.
I reached Lot1, bought a bubble tea (Peach Red Tea!), and I walked home. On my own.
I wanted to calm myself down, clear my thoughts.
I wanted to get some answer to my questions.
But.... After reaching home, I still failed to get the answers to my questions.
I was still as confused as when I first started walking.
I really wanted to know, what went wrong.
How did it go wrong? How did we actually let things turn so sour between us?
Why did we even let things turn out to be like how it is now?
Initially, I really wanted answers to these questions.
But now.. I realised that hey, since things have turned out like that.
Why bother dwelling on the past?
I should focus more on finding solutions to solve the problems between us.
And that is what I'm doing now.

For once, I'm not depressed after talking to you on the phone.
And neither did I cry after hanging up.
Instead, I'm feeling good. Because my brain is in functioning normally again.
I'm able to think sensibly, and to use my big brains before I act.
I haven't been capable of doing this for weeks already.
In fact, I'm happy from deep inside me. Not just a plastic barbie smile.
Hmm.. Looks like my songs are agreeing with me too. My media player is on shuffle mode, and its been playing motivational and encouraging songs since I turned the computer on!

Optimistic optimistic! Must be strong! HAAAAAAA-YAKKKKKKKKK! *Karate-chop*
Okay, I'm being nonsensical. But it proves that I'm okay! For now...
It's just like a roller coaster ride.. But I never do really like roller coaster rides :X
Right.. I'm digressing. But I'm happy now because I'm up up and high!
Like on a roller coaster ride....

Warm fuzzy feeling.