Bittersweet surreality

Saturday, June 12, 2010

When everything falls apart, she's lost in a moment. Bewildered and broken, her heart aches. She yearns for his smile, his care, his love but he's not there. Has it all turned into surreality in the blink of an eye? Wretched inside, she tries to hide. This emotional turmoil - painful. So maybe, it's time to forget him. But the thing is.. he is unforgettable.

It's 12midnight now. So it makes the 11th of June, yesterday. But my day today has yet to end. It's been a really tiring day today, been busy moving stuff from my grandmother's place to my new place. I've officially moved into Woodlands. Too tired to write describe the whole process. There's only one word that fits the description best. 'Exhausting'

Initially, I thought that I had mastered the technique of ignoring our connection. Because for everytime it worked, I would push it to the back of my mind by either sleeping or distracting myself. I thought that I had gotten so well at ignoring it that the pain is pretty much bearable. True, a nagging feeling will still remain to remind me that the connection is still working, but for the past few times, I managed to work my way around that pain. But somehow.. I was proven wrong. Today, I failed.

The pain. It was excruciating. I was at its mercy. I could really feel it eating me up. I tried to ignore it, I tried to distract myself, but nothing worked. In fact, it merely got worst. I couldn't do a thing at all. The pain.. It was just so bad so bad. All I could do was sit on a chair and rest, waiting for the pain to subside a little. I must have been quite a sight. Sitting on a chair, clutching my chest tightly, gasping for air. I had never expected our connection to still be so strong, I thought that it had subsided along with the passing of time. Today's blow, it was hard, it was fast, it was straight-to-the-heart, it was a killer.

I need to get stronger. I need to toughen up. Since it has happened once, it will happen twice. The next time round, I will be prepared. I will win the battle against our connection. I have to. Because, I love you forever. But forever is over.