11:11

Saturday, July 10, 2010



I've stopped wishing for you during 11:11.
I've stopped searching for stars in the night sky.
I've stopped wishing upon every eyelash I find.

I realise that there is no more you and me.

Everytime I enter the link to her website, I can feel a sudden pause in my heart-beat, because I'm scared. I know I shouldn't be there, but I just can't help it. Going to her website is like taking a step into the future, the unknown scares me. Today, when I went there, there was a surprise waiting for me. Who she was directing it to, I'm not sure, but I benefitted from it.

Not all parents are supportive, not all friends are friends, and not all patients have doctors. But the best medicine is hope, and hope comes from within.
I can't deny that I have second thoughts when it comes to hope. Hope has never failed me, but I failed myself by hoping for the wrong thing. It is true that hope gives us the strength to continue looking forward to life, but hoping for the wrong thing will simply kill you instead. All along, I've been hoping for the wrong thing and so, I've been killing myself.

To see light, all it takes is one simple action - close your eyelids and all you can see is darkness, open your eyelids and you'll see the light. I suppose I've kept my eyes shut tight for quite a period of time after I got hurt, I got afraid to see the light again. I wouldn't deny that I'm still afraid of the light, and so I'm keeping one eye open and one eye closed, just like how I'm open to all the possibilites in life and how I still fear the unknown.

"You can give up on love, but love will never give up on you." - Xavier
It is natural to shy away from a certain thing after it has brought pain to you, it isn't wrong to doubt it. You can pronounce to the whole world that you've given up hope on love, but deep inside you, you know that you still harbour that little bit of hope for love. No one can find love, only love can find its way to you. (I wonder what matchmakers are for then?) Perhaps that is why people who are constantly looking for love can never find love. However, there is a contrary to the statement, who in life doesn't look for love? Hmmm. I need a little more time to think about this question. I suppose people who least expect love to be coming their way would then get love? Ok, I have no idea what I'm talking about anymore. I'm confused by my own words. But I do understand one thing, like the saying goes, "When love comes your way, nothing can stop it."

---


The deadline for the JYOF photo submission is a mere 5 days away and I have yet to send in my photo! Furthermore, I had more than 15 days to send the photo!! I am feeling really guilty, I need to step up in my efficiency level. =/

Wherever I go now, I see posters and banners about YOG. Almost all the buildings in Singapore are decorated with the 2 mascots. I can't put a word to my feelings about YOG since half of me is excited, whereas the other half of me dreads it. What if I screw up? What if blur me does something really stupid and make a fool of myself? I don't wanna be a laughing stock! As each day passes, and the day draws nearer, the number of butterflies in my stomach increases. This mixed feeling is driving me crazy!

Hmm, I've got to make one thing clear. I still hate her, just not that much anymore. But yeah, I hate her.

Okay, going to shower nao and then continue with my work.

Xoxo.