Life is like a vacuum cleaner. It sucks.

Friday, July 9, 2010



Besides accepting your decision and walking away from you, what more could I have done?

There are 5 levels of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.

I wonder which level I am on now, because it doesn't seem to be going according to that order for me. I heeded his advice and numb-ed myself, build high walls and a ditch filled with crocodiles around my heart and turned my heart to stone, so as to protect myself from hurting. But then, I can still feel my stone-heart hurting from deep inside. You know, it isn't about protecting my heart from the outside world, and even if it is, how much more pain can I actually feel when I'm already immersed in a tub full of pain? I'm already hurt, deeply hurt by you. Your wreckless actions and indecisive decisions have brought me pain, and there is no painkillers available for this pain.

Every step you took, every move you made, I winced because it hurt. I wish that there was this button in life when you can press it and then you would have amnesia and forget all the things that bitches/bastards have ever done to you. The frustration in me, I don't know how to let it out. Screeching at you wouldn't help to lessen it any bit at all because feelings are infinite, you can't define them and so you certainly can't put a number to it.

I wished too that you were the Prince of Persia and have the capability to turn back the sands of time. Sadly, you're not. Taking a knife and sticking it through your heart wouldn't make me feel better, but if you were to take a knife and stick it through my heart, I know I would definitely feel better. When I say 'You gave up on me', don't rebut me back with stuff like 'I didn't give you up whenever I wanted to, I stayed with you for as long as I could'. There is no point beating around the bush, you still gave up on me in the end, fullstop.

Thanks for feeding me with so much pain, here is a gift from me to you. I'm gonna feed you with enough guilt and regret to last you for eternity. Afterall, you did do me a huge favor by screwing up my life again and making it even worst than it was previously. Thanks for reminding me what pain is, thanks for destroying all my dreams and the roots of all dreams, thanks for ruining me completely. There is nothing you can ever do to lessen the remorse you feel, because there are no choices left in the first place. The first wrong step you made had already send me spiralling down the tunnel to hell.

There is no point asking why because there is no why. Well, if you even bothered to think about the why in the first place, then I doubt you would have even committed the crime. It all boils down to one thing, you and your fickleminded-ness. Because of them, I am reduced to the terrible state I am in now. All you ever do is think for yourself. Two words, selfish and immature.

You always told me to think twice before doing anything. I guess you missed out on that part yourself. And because of that mistake, you turned me into another Annabelle. Or perhaps, the state that I am in is far worst than hers, which is why my name is Sophie.

Like it wasn't enough for me the first time round, you just had to give me a second round. Well, congratulations to you.
I am giving up on my life.