Flying up high

Saturday, October 2, 2010


Bibles give you the definition of love. Sutras give you the definition of love. But you may ask, what exactly is love? Go conduct a random sample of let's say, a sample size of 10, and you will get 10 different answers. Because for everyone, they have their own evaluation about love. Hence, logically, there is no exact definition for love, as there isn't one which we can pin on everyone and anyone, and say that it is the same. Some may say that if love cannot be defined, then how come I can search for it on dictionary.com and get a definition for it? My dear friend, read the 'definitions' carefully, comprehend it correctly, and you will realise that those so-called 'definitions' aren't definitions at all. Instead, they are more of a description of what love is.

I have been walking back and forth on this path so many times that I have lost count already. And while walking back and forth all these time, I have been deliberating over one single issue, which sadly, I have yet to come to a conclusion. I have evaluated again and again, yet I am still nowhere near the end. If it was written as an essay, I think my essay would turn out to be more of a book. Or perhaps, a series of books. A friend told me that I have actually come to a conclusion, yet somehow I refuse to put that little dot on my essay, and so I continue clutching onto my pen, scribbling away at my 'endless' essay, penning down evaluations which would score me no marks and perhaps even get me a big red cross if the essay was ever being marked by an examiner. A big red cross not because I am wrong, but because the extra evaluation is not necessary and hence, out of annoyance, the examiner gave me a big red 'X'. Perhaps I lack the confidence and faith in myself to put that tiny dot on my essay, to put an end my thoughts, to put a conclusion to the issue. Thus, it explains why I am constantly walking back and forth on the same path. My friend says that it is okay though, because if I truly had such unwavering faith, then I wouldn't be human and it wouldn't be love. Then again, they say that 'a conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking', which goes to say that however tired I may be from thinking, I am not exhausted yet, and therefore the reason why I seem to be unable to come to a conclusion.

It is funny how everyone thinks that things would work out in the end. It is funny how everyone assumes that things will work out in the end. It is funny how everyone expects things to work out in the end. Honestly, ask yourself. Has anything ever worked out without any effort put in? Do you expect yourself to score full marks for a test which you did not study for? Well, that is unless if you are a brain genius. The same mentality is applied to everything else in life. If you do not work for it, it will never be yours, and things will of course not work out. The other funny thing is that people always expect another person to go work the problem out, and then they will somehow reap the benefits in the end. That is utter bull. And, how can you expect someone else to do something which you are involved in too? Before anything else, where on earth did you get the thought that someone else must initiate the first steps to working out a problem? Oh right, I almost forgot. You were born with it. Seriously, that is the lamest excuse I have ever heard in all my lifetimes summed up together. In addition, you conveniently push the blame to the other person when no solution is being produced. Hello! This aren't a math question, which the examiner asks you to reject one of the two following answers and give a reason for your rejection. How many brain cells do you expect me to have? An average human being has only 50-100 billion neurons in his/her brain. Excluding the ones which might have possibly been burnt away by fevers. I am no exception okay. It takes two hands to clap, it takes two people to work out a problem. You can't expect me to do it alone. The problem will forever lie in between us, unsolved. Until you, are willing to work hand-in-hand with me to find a solution. Yes, you are superman. But I aren't superwoman you know, however hard I may wish to be though.
"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear." — Mark Twain
Call me a fool, and I'll say that I am being courageous. I am standing up for something I want, something I will fight for till the time has really come for me to put all my pens down. It isn't that I am not scared, in fact I am terrified, but without trying, then will I be a failure. I am not a failure. And hence, I ate a lion's heart and now I am aiming for superman's heart, not to eat but for keeps. Everything is always okay in the end, if it’s not okay, then it’s not the end. This is why my fingers are still kept crossed and why the flame has yet to be extinguished.

Someday, I will grow wings and I will soar up high. And when I do, I wanna take you along with me. We will touch the clouds and steal the stars. We will live up high in the skies, which is where our paradise lies. Together, we will be flying up high.