The Last Strand

Wednesday, October 20, 2010


When I hit the 'send' button, I could see myself holding a pair of scissors, snipping away the last strands of our fragmented friendship. I really thought that the least we could be, were friends. However, it was a mission that proved itself to be impossible. Once again, I'm saying the same old phrase, 'I never wanted this to happen.'

For months, I tolerated with your attitude, with your nastiness, with your biasness. For each time you treated me coldly/meanly, I cried. My already broken heart would break another time. My heart is so broken that it equivalent to having thrown a china vase onto the floor, then picking up the pieces and throwing it onto the floor again, making sure that it is shattered to the extent that the pieces are so small, so small that they cannot further divide themselves.

Friendship and love, two conflicting issues. They can never work side by side, just like the angel and the devil. They co-exist, they are co-related, but they can never co-operate with each other. Perhaps to others, friendship seems like the one with the higher probability, but to me, love is further away from zero.

If you ask me, "Are you sure about this?"
My answer to you, is "No, I aren't sure at all."
You may ask, "Why are you doing it then?"
My reply, "Because either way kills and so I'll take the more painful path."
"Do you really not want the friendship anymore?"
What a ridiculous question. How can I not want it. In fact, I would do anything to have it. Sadly, I don't know what to do. Not anymore. I am out of ideas, I am out of strength. What's left of me is an empty carcass. I am worst than a robot because at least robots are devoid of emotions but have immense amount of strength. Me? I have been vacant of both emotions and strength. I told you before, I am just a mere mortal.

I never had a choice. Don't tell me stupid stuff such as 'How can you possibly not have a choice? There were so many choices placed infront of you.' Seriously, shut up. If the choices placed infront of me were unrealistic, how can they still be termed as 'choices'. Those are ruthless demands. It is no different from being thrown into a labyrinth without any exits, and with every five steps you take, there is either a deadly booby trap or a minotaur. So really, death seems like the only way out. That is, unless you can fly.

Maybe, just maybe, I will really grow wings one day...

I want our friendship. But if I have to accept all your freaking conditions and fucked-up attitude, than I rather not have it at all. My patience and tolerance is not unlimited, they do have a limit. Yes, to love is to give. But to love does not equate to tolerating with all your nuisance. Life isn't fair. But I was hoping that you were... I gave you all of me, and I will still be giving you, all of me.

Each step that we took, it seems to be a wrong one. Each step that we take, it seems that it is gonna be a wrong one. I am out of energy already. I don't know about you, but I am gonna take a break. To refresh myself and to allow the fog to clear a little, and perhaps I will be able to better see the path ahead and then decide which one I should take. If the rain pours, then let it pour.. Because our eyes needs to be washed by our tears once in awhile, so that we can see life with a clearer view again.


Happy Birthday.