Safe, dark, motionless, airless

Monday, December 13, 2010

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung, and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully around hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken, it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.
— C.S. Lewis

I learnt the hard way that some things in life are just impossible. Perhaps you are also just one of those many impossibles that would appear in my life. I admit that I got shaken by you. But before I become a fool again, I will lock myself safe in my casket. Afterall, love doesn't exist.

Honestly what was I thinking? Dashing straight forward for that hint of light in the distance, hoping that it would somehow brighten up my dark world. Perhaps you are just a lamp-post, providing me light for just that moment. Not the sun that would shine brightly in my sky and bring light and life to everything in my world. I guess I was getting tired of living in the dark, hence resulting in the wrong judgement on my part. I guess I have been wishing too hard for that someone who is able to change my wrong mentality, to prove to me that love does exist in this cold and dark world. It's so cold.. I'm starting to freeze. Thanks for giving me warmth these past few days. But I suppose I am better off living in my casket, if it isn't mine to begin with.

I know I am being a coward and an ignorant idiot. Thanks for the compliment. I deserve it.