Things which I need to say

Thursday, April 28, 2011

#1.



I am game enough to admit to that. Yes, it probably isn't the wisest thing to do or to say or to even think, when you are trying to get over someone.. But hey, isn't a part of getting over, about coming clean with what you feel and how you think? I know what I'm losing out on, and instead of shutting it out and telling myself that "No, I shouldn't be thinking that way.", I am going to do the complete opposite by being totally honest about it. And so, there you go. Words from the bottom of my heart.

(I am thankful that you do not read my blog. Or at least, I don't think you do.)


#2.



Forget everything that I said the day before. All the religious questions which Joey bombarded at me, and my then-depressed mood must have made me mentally unsound. No, I still believe in all the Gods (yes I very much do). However there is a reason why I chose Buddhism. Ok fine, previously it was chosen for me by my parents, but now I AM choosing HAVE chosen it. And that is because, my Buddha also follows The Secret*. You know, before any of this, I have never once thought about what my religion is, what is real or what is not (btw, my stand that every God is real still remains firmly), what is my faith, what do I believe in.. and all the other religious questions there is in the world, however I can now answer all those questions. I am a philosophical religious follower, hence I choose to be a Buddhist. It feels really awesome knowing where I belong -- I guess that was what you meant when you were telling me about your faith, about your Father, about His love, about your love for Him, about how awesome you feel when you are in church; I now understand all of it. Even though the faith that I have chosen might will put a greater distance between us, and make everything truly impossible, I know that I am making the right choice. Afterall, I've grown up. I'm no longer that fool who gives in and gives up, for someone else.

I was like 'this close' to deleting that previous entry, but I decided to let it stay because it marks/proves my growth. Albeit I feel awfully stupid about it. #thecrazythingsIdo when I'm not in the right state of mind. *rolls eyes*

*The Secret is also known as the Law of Attraction.


#3.



Thank you, for letting me fly free like the birds in the sky, for not tying me down. You aren't the only one who isn't ready. In fact, on that first night, I couldn't stop thinking, is this what I really wanted? Do I really want to be tied down again? I've got to be honest that something in me didn't feel right, even though the whole magical feeling was more domineering. To me, being attached means being good, it means being an obedient little girl that all parents would fawn and coo over. Truth is, I like being bad, I like embracing the rebellious streak in me, I like being single. I have no intentions of making any changes to any of those in the near future. Albeit it is slightly annoying that everytime I go back to Esprit, my ex-colleagues would be all, "Why doesn't this pretty girl have a boyfriend yet?!". Seriously, I do not need a man to live. I am fine on my own. And I like being on my own. I get to snide at my attached-friends and show off how great singlehood is. I get to make decisions based on my own. And most importantly, I get to decide the pace of my life. Whether I want it slow, or fast. (Sidenote: Most of the time, I choose fast. I can't stand being slow. Probably an attribute of leading an urban lifestyle.) And so you see, how awesome it is. I don't need romance love to make my life exciting or interesting; I can make it equally, or perhaps even more, exciting AND interesting, with all the things that I have now.. Which are my friends, my family, giving love to everyone, my hobbies -- blogging, tumblr-ing -- and now, an addition to the list, my faith. Well actually, that faith has been there all along, it's just that I've never given much thought to it and much less see the need to give/find it a specific term, but well since I have now then ummm yay? Okay that was just so awkward.

Anyway I'll continue doing what I love/distributing my love around, and carry on leading my fast-paced life. Woohooo!

Need to start watching Pretty Little Liars and Gossip Girls, plus get more shoes and that strawberry perfume. Oh and, I NEED TO GET ANOTHER JOB. I can't stand being unemployed. I am going to rot to death at home due to boredom. Not forgetting how my sister is going to kill me when she gets home in a few hours time to find out that I have yet to have done any single research on our Taiwan trip. Shit. I am so gonna get majorly screwed.

I need booze, to make myself more stupid -- according to Bestie, alcohol will cause brain retardation. Being smart for the past few days, sucked. I love being oblivious to the outside world. Rosemount... Strawberry daiquiri... Vodka... Fyi, I am NOT an alcohol-addict, TYVM. But I love to drink. I guess it is a family trait. Heh!

Once again, I will turn my world into a simplistically crazy but fun place. Anyone wants to join in the fun? Give me a ring, or send me a text message. If I don't answer your phone call or reply you, it means you aren't cool enough to be in my world. Ooops, sucks to be you then!

xoxo

P.S. I love being bitchy.