My first sunrise

Friday, September 16, 2011



I was lucky. My resort room had the best view of the sunrise. I should thank my mom, for being unable to sleep peacefully on our first night there, and so she started walking around the resort room. It was her movements that woke me up, and it gave me my opportunity to catch my first sunrise. For the next 3 mornings, I woke up at 7 every day to watch the sunrise. It was the most beautiful thing that I had ever seen.

It was like an orange ball, hanging in the sky, 25-degrees from the horizon. It felt warm, it felt safe. It gave the waters a brilliant tangerine-bronze shine. From far, you'd honestly wonder if there was gold beneath the surface of the waters.

During those moments, I felt like the sun was taking all my worries and my problems away from me as it slowly rose up the sky. I took off my slippers and sank my feet into the sand, slowly I made my way towards the waters and stood there for quite some time as the waves crashed around my ankles. I stood there enjoying every moment of the sun's embrace. It was an embrace that I had never felt before... the kind that you'll never miss, then again you'll never forget. The kind that you won't be afraid of losing, because you know that it'll always be there — inserting you with hope, keeping you safe, giving you life.

One day, after I've gotten my driving license and I've bought myself a car, I'll drive up to Kuantan again on my own, stay at the same resort and ask for room 211.. And every morning, I'll wake up at 7, just to watch our glorious sun rise.

***


Okay, my poetic moment is over.

A girl can't possibly go to a beach without her bikini, sunglasses and sunblock. I'll admit that I came back to Singapore with a pretty failed tan... since I hardly got tanned at all. I blame my sunblock. It's too power already. Nonetheless, I made up for the failed effort of getting tanned by taking some pretty good pictures!



Up till now, life has been good to me and so have I been to it, by being an extremely good girl and staying out of any possible trouble/drama. I no longer seek to know what love is. To love at all is to be vulnerable. I'm a person who dislikes getting high because I detest feeling vulnerable. Being in love is like being drunk. You lose control and you become defenceless. You'll have no guard, no protection. From the very moment that you are drunk/in love, the person closest to you might possibly become your greatest threat. What gives a person strength can also bring a person down. A strength is a flaw, a flaw is a strength. To determine which it is, it's based on the party's perspective and intention — good or evil?

I have been invited to go Kukup over one of the weekends in October, to celebrate a girlfriend's birthday. I have yet to accept nor decline. Firstly, there is work.. The exams are coming, and during those times, weekends are precious. My students need me! Okay fine, I want my student's money. ($_$) Gotta support my own sprees yo! It's all part of my independence plan. Secondly, there is.. work again. If I were to take leave along with my other colleague, that would be two teachers gone at the same time! What about our classes?! What about our students?! What about our boss?!! Gotta be considerate yo! It's all part of being selfless. (Yeah right... I'm more afraid of getting fired and losing a source of income!) Thirdly, it's just me... I've been hiding out in my turtle shell for so long. It feels so cozy, so warm, so safe right now. I'm afraid of stepping out into the world again. Then again, I might already have. Every step taken is a step forward rather than backward, isn't it?

My daddy sent me a text earlier on.. I think it makes a lot of sense. This is what he sent me:
Daddy's text message: "The power of faith is very strong. Why do some people come across as very strong, confident and sure of what they are all about? It's because they have faith in themselves. Believe in yourself and have faith in what you are doing. Your doubts will disappear, vanish, and starve to death. You will set yourself free to accomplish great things."

This faith is in other words known as.. "The Law of Attraction". I've always heard, I've always read... "Have faith in yourself", "Keep your faith", "Hold onto your faith". My question is: What is faith? What are beliefs?

I'm not sure exactly when.. but some time ago, I gave up humanity for reality. I traded hope for wisdom. I'm heartless now(according to someone). Since that step I took, affairs of the heart which I once knew well, have become unknown to me. I'm not sad about what I've become (that is if I even know what 'sad' is) and neither do I regret it. It has opened up many new doors for me, and taken me down new paths. I'm not even in my twenties. I am still young. I've got half a century left for me to discover. I am alone, but I'm not lonely. This is not a time to back down nor give up.
My mind is set: I'm going Kukup!

But first... I gotta tell my parents that. *gulps* It shouldn't be too hard (I think...)