Life has been pretty good to me, so far

Friday, October 14, 2011



Actually, it doesn't come off as much of a surprise that life has been good to me. I've been staying off the path of D-R-A-M-A, and anyone who might possibly bring shit into my life has been driven away by me. In the course of turning them away, I might have unintentionally broke a few hearts, made a few people upset, angered a couple of them... however such consequences are unfortunately inevitable. In fact, I'm guessing that the reason why I've been pretty anal to buddy is because he is really dramatic and every so often, he has to stir up some kinda shit (be it intended or not) and seriously, I hate drama. All I want is a quiet peaceful life. I want the life of a normal girl. One which I hadn't had before. If you think it's too much to ask for, then shit you because it's everything that I am asking for at this moment.

It feels good to not have to worry about who I'm gonna marry in the future, what age am I gonna get married, how is my future in-laws going to be like, how is my future life going to be like, will I have financial difficulties then, what car will he have, what kind of house will we live in (HDB, condo, terrace, semi-D, bungalow?), will I be required have a life overseas with him, how many kids will I have, what gender will my kids be, how will they be like, will I be working then or will I be a full-time housewife/mother? It feels really good to no longer have to fret over such girly questions. My head is no longer filled with all these girly dreams/girly worries. Anything that has to do with HIM is thrown out the window and the windows have been shut tight. It feels good to know that I don't have to worry about such things because 1. I'm not afraid of living the rest of my life alone, 2. I'm independent enough to support myself financially (and that includes all my shopping sprees), 3. Fuck marriage, fuck men. Other than work, the thing that is in my head nowadays is what new material goods should I get? LOL. I told you already, life is good for me.

My plans so far are a Mont Blanc watch, a Samantha Thavasa genuine leather (possibly calf leather) bag, a Givenchy wallet, and definitely the latest Apple iTouch in white. The Creative ZEN mp4 that Kenny bought for me as my 16th birthday present, has finally lived past it's lifespan. It has crashed to the extend that it is beyond recovery mode. I think it has something to do with the fact that I might have accidentally pressed the reformat button more times than required and I might have incidentally held onto the button longer than I should have. Anyway, I GET TO BUY MYSELF A NEW DIGITAL MUSIC-PLAYING DEVICE! Hip hip hooray! And it's gonna be pretty white rather than ugly black. Gosh I'm so shallow! But I like! HAHA!

Yesterday (it is currently 3:23AM) turned out to be a pretty fine day, except for the minor setback caused by my darling elder sister. In the middle of my tuition class with Janell and Janissa, my sister sent me a picture which got me really fired up. I roar-ed at her because seriously, someone had to tell her that she has got to stop reminding me of him.



I don't know why Shin said that this is sweet because from my point of view, it isn't sweet AT ALL. I guess it's due to the perspective that I'm reading it from. The green portion being from Kenny and the white being from my sister. In case you're wondering, no it isn't an extract between their conversation. It's probably some picture my sister saw off somewhere in the internet and was idiotic enough to send it to me. Anyway, please tell me, how can I not get mad after reading that?! No one dares to mention his name infront of me or to me, and my freaking elder sister dishes it out so easily all the time. Makes me wanna strangle her. Thank goodness that she wasn't anywhere near me or I would definitely have stormed up to her, screamed my head off at her, and possibly wrapped my long fingers around her slender neck.

People have truly got to stop saying his name around me, or I might just run off and hide in some foreign country just so as to avoid hearing his name ever again. I can't possibly get over a guy and much less forget him, if my environment and the people around me keep on reminding me of him. I've already torn up all the pictures I have of him, kept the bunny he won for me at the arcade on a high shelf in my wardrobe, deleted his contact from my phone, blocked him on
Facebook, deleted all the pictures I have of him from my (broken) mp4, my phone, my laptop, oh and now there's an addition to the list: I crashed the mp4 he gave me as my 16th birthday present. I really don't don't don't need anymore reminders of him. The ones that I have of him in my freaking brain are already giving me a huge headache so PLEASE do me a favour and stop adding any more burdens to my already heavy shoulders.

I indulge in shopping because yes I do enjoy it, and also because that's how I deal with my pain, that's how I deal with reality. Go on and call me a 'shopaholic'. I've got the money to support my shopping sprees so what say you now? I paint my nails because yes I like it and also because I'm vain. I buy luxury goods because I love the sound of it and also because I know they'll never stab me in my back with a short dagger.

One day, when I see Kenny again, I will proudly brandish myself, and my luxury goods. (Oh c'mon, you knew I was gonna add in that last bit!) A girl has got to show what she's worth, from everything about her to everything she owns (inside and outside). I'm gonna stick it in his face: "Hey dude, this is all that you've missed out on. Sucks to be you." (I wanted to say 'fuck your life' however it doesn't seem very classy and ladylike, hence I chose the other)

After berating my sister for her choice of action, she told me her point of view and frankly, I can understand it even though I don't really agree with it. Among all the temptations out there, I chose him. He should have been contended but no, he wasn't. And so, now he has to suffer. Hey Shin, remember that curse I laid for him back when I scattered bits of his pictures all over AMK Hub? Hmmmmm as a Buddhist, I'm not suppose to curse anyone but hey, I'm still a woman... And it's not like I cursed for him to die or get a terminal illness. All I did was ask for him to be taught a great big fat good lesson, so that he can freaking grow up and come back to me. Okay I'm just kidding about that last part. Then again, actually not really. I'd say 50-50. My mind and my heart are of equal balance on this case.

I've been blogging for over an hour already and this has turned out to be quite a lengthy entry even though I was planning for a moderate one when I first started. I guess I made a right choice when I decided to turn up the privacy notch for my blog. This freedom to express my thoughts and not worry about the judgemental prying eyes of others, it brings a formerly unknown jubilation to my heart and my mind. The inability to speak as I like, it's terrible. So much for the declaration of human rights huh? I guess that is why we attended Civics and Moral Education since we were in preschool. It's purpose is to fuck our mind and tell us that even though we are technically allowed to speak as we like, we shouldn't due to this shitting thing called 'society'.

I'm going to bed. I might be getting my provisional driving license later in the morning, and also sign up for practical driving lessons, that is if my parents remember the appointment I had with them to do all of the above mentioned. No classes today as I cancelled it to meet my JC babes for bulgogi in the night. I've been craving for Korean BBQ since 2 weeks ago!!!

Life is good!


P.S. That photo at the start of this entry, it's me featuring his trademark candid expression. From the looks of it, I can pull it off better than him now. Ha! FHL.