Mental break? I think I'm breaking.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Tweeting a lot more than usual today. I guess it's because I'm having difficulty keeping everything in me, thus twitter has become my avenue for letting things out. I know that it'll garner a lot of attention which is not what I hope for (I guess) thus I really need to exert a little more control over myself.

I'm (obviously) blogging excessively. This mental break is truly testing my limits and in a way, helping me to realise what is it that I'm looking for and wanting.

I really really miss him. So tempted to meet him impromptu today after my school, to push forward my planned surprise on Friday to today, but no, I shan't. SELF-CONTROL. I can hear his voice in my head now, taunting me, "Give in to your temptation, give in to me.. I miss you too, come find me. I'll shower you with hugs, kisses and love. Come come come!" It doesn't help that it encourages me to put on my childish front, stomp my foot and whine endlessly till my demands are met.

Day 1: breathe, let everything in, feel it thoroughly, don't bother evaluating.

Day 2: breathe still, block everything out, occupy yourself all the time, start your evaluation when night falls

Day 3: pace your breathing, let in your feelings and balance it out with your thoughts.

I know I'm feeling much better now, less suffocated and definitely breathing. I miss him terribly and I couldn't resist texting him. This is my problem — I listen too much to my heart and too little to my brain. It's time I apply LOA, keep the desired end in mind and shut down every other thought.

Do I not have faith in him? In us? Is that why I can't hold onto the mental break? Or that I can't stay away from him? Neither sounds good. I want fries, I want potato. I'm so tired now, I need a nap.

Superman, tell me, what should my next step be..?