Stupid Vuze

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Vuze is eating up all the internet on my laptop just to download my 3 shows, and so I can't surf the net because the web page will either fail to load or lag until it fails. Using my handy iPhone now to blog. So glad that I have this darling (:

I was hoping so much for a nice session with my keyboard on blogger. I know how crazy I can get when I'm filled to the brim with emotions and need a gantry to let them all out. Oh well, I guess this will have to do for now.

So here goes. The top few irritations/concerns of my life ATM:

1. MY MOM

I got woken up by her this morning, telling me that I have to take down my photos with Roderick on FB because she doesn't want anybody to know that I've got someone new. I'm like "What...?" I can get where she is coming from, since like always, hers and my dad's reputation is far more important my freedom to my own rights. Or perhaps I will just be more precise and explain what she is doing with just a single word "MANIPULATIVE".

For now, I've restricted her, my aunt's and uncle from viewing all the contents of my fb page like my 'friends'. (I just find it so weird to associate people whom I hardly know with that term)

Frankly I don't quite like those photos being published on fb. It's far too soon. And my mother's outcry simply makes matters worst. I'm contemplating now on whether I should or should not do something (more) about it. I'm afraid that if I do, it'll hurt Roderick and Chuck (since he was the one who uploaded those photos) This is a tough decision to make.

2. To tell Rod or to deal with this on my own

Is this considered to be my own problem or his? Because in a way, he's affected as well. Then again it's not like I am incapable of dealing this on my own. I've single-handedly dealt with far worst matters and have managed to solve them and get over them.

I'm not reliant on him. Not that much at least. After the past 2 years, I've learnt to take matters in my own stride and stand on my own two feet. Just because I have someone, it doesn't mean that I have to always lean on him and be all weak. Yes I may be weak at times, but I certainly am not now. If I can't be strong for myself, then who can I be strong for? I have a good strong steady supportive backbone for a reason, and I will utilise it to its maximum.

In case you're wondering, why not tell him everything? That's what things should be like between a couple who has decided to take the plunge and never look back. Well it's because of what we've decided, and so it's even more so important for me to able to deal with things on my own. It's nice to rely on someone but it's even nicer to rely on yourself. The sense of satisfaction and awarded dignity is something that no one can give not steal away from.

I'm a person with strong character and my level of independence, is another reason on why I am still learning on how I should go about adjusting Rod into my life. I don't wanna make the same mistake twice. Keep my independence, retain my freedom.

If I can be strong enough to not have to depend on others to enjoy life before I met him, then I can very well be strong enough to enjoy life without depending on him or anyone still.

“A woman should know how to look like a girl, act like a lady, and think like a man.”


I haven't been thinking like a man ever since I met Rod. I guess it's because he's been doing the side of manly thoughts and so I became lazy and never bothered to push myself any further from the thoughts I naturally possess as a lady. K that will not do.

I need to constantly ask myself, "Who am I?" so as to continue in my fight to be myself, retain myself and not lose myself. Fighting!!!

3. I'M NOT ARROGANT, YOU FUCKER

Okay I read the text msg that Rod's friend sent him after his friend met me. It was his opinion on me. It's enough that I have to lie to Rod right in his face that it doesn't get to me when it definitely and obviously does. (I didn't want to make things hard for Rod. Getting in between your guy and his friend isn't the wisest thing to do and it's not admirable at all)

His friend cleverly sandwiched his criticism in between two VERY thick slices of compliments. It began somewhere along the line of “I think she is nice, but the way she talks I think it's arrogant, then again it might just be because I don't know her well enough.”

Like stfu fucker. You already said that you don't know me well enough so who are you to pass such comments on me? Seriously, screw you. And it isn't arrogance. My daddy taught me to have faith in myself, in what I say, what I do and what I think. And honestly I think you are just one big useless scumbag, with a head full of potatoes. If it wasn't because of Rod, I would have scratched your name off my list already. Trust me when I say that the only thing that proves your name is still there is the slight remnants of my pen markings which I have deliberately left behind, as a means to show that you are there but not really there. Don't you push me over the edge bitch. I'm more destructive than you can ever imagine a girl to be. *wields the power of LOA in my hands and gives an evil sneer*

K wtf so lame. But you can't deny that the image which formed in your head was ultra cool. HEE!!!

4. Money issues

I guess I'm rather thankful that I'm not a young girl who is still in her youthful teens, incapable of working and very much reliant on her parents to support her. Also, Rod is earning an income of his own, so we are less guilty than other couples out there who have to go on dates by using their parents' money?

Nonetheless the June Holidays are arriving, ie. no income for me. I hate to dig into my savings account because what's in there should stay in there and never come out. It already sucked that I had to spend close to a 100 bucks on cosmetics yesterday, just because a certain someone gave me 2 unexpected hickeys and I had to hurriedly get make-up products to cover them up before we went back to my place to have dinner with my parents.

I hate feeling.. broke. I have to worry about my singing classes because they are so damn expensive and I don't know how to afford them next month. I can't not go out on dates with Rod next month because it is an absolutely stupid and ridiculous idea, and I doubt he'll approve of it. I hate having to stretch my hands out and ask my parents for money (blame my ego for that!) and neither do I wish to rely on Rod's NS pay to get us by the next month. I've got to think of something. Probably get a temporary job for a month? That seems like an idea. Afterall my school vacations are coming up soon as well, albeit school just started not long ago.

There will always be solutions to problems, so long as we have the guts to outrightly face them, deal with them and get over them. I CAN DO IT!!!! Fighting!!!

K bad news: I just checked my school calendar. My June holidays are only for a week, and it's during mid-June. Ok I need to think of something, figure out something, solve this goddamn thing!!! BREATHE. Everything. Will. Be. Fine.

Keep your problems to yourself. There is always a way out. There will always be. Think positive, keep the desired outcome in your head, and LOA will provide you with a path and lead the way.

***


I'm gonna go take a short nap now then wake up and dive into my books. I really need a recap on my life ambitions, goals and aims. That reminder should shake me up a little and get me back on the right track of life where I should be at.