Batshit crazy fights

Sunday, July 8, 2012

I have never fought with my ex-boyfriends before. Not up till the last 2-3 months that lead up to the eventual break-up.

I am the sort of person who hates fighting because I'm afraid of fights and I think that arguments are irrelevant and unncessary. However if I really do fight, it's only because I give more shit about the person involved/the issue concerned than I usually would or do, to actually spend time, energy and effort to extract the emotions within me and place them on the table for evaluation (mine and the other party's).

I fight quite a fair bit with my current boyfriend. Well.. To me, it's quite a lot because I hadn't ever fought with any of my past lovers and have always chosen to either run away or to simply give in when problems occurred, just because I couldn't be bothered to deal with the negative situation and his negative emotions.

I have batshit crazy fights with my current boyfriend. I think it has to do with everything that I've been through before, thus when my tears do shed, my ego acts up quickly to overpower my tears and it screams at me to stand up, stop being a baby, be stronger, turn into a stone-cold statue if the situation deems it necessary, be calm and take the necessary actions required such that the situation/problem doesn't aggravate as much as it would if I were to not do anything at all, simply just curl up in bed and permit my female instincts to take over.

I am not encouraging anyone to fight with their boyfriend/girlfriend unnecessarily, because if you really did that, then it would be a suicidal act for your relationship and I would really applaud you for your stupidity. Fights are depressing, no one likes to fight, yet if you can't possibly run from them for ever. I once had an ex-boyfriend who gave me this as one of his reasons for breaking up with me, "We hardly fight. No wait, in fact, we don't ever fight. You ALWAYS give in to me. You don't ever take a stand and voice out your thoughts. I sometimes even wonder if you have any thoughts at all. Do you?"

Trust me, his words were degrading. Right through the heart, I would say. You probably have this question in your head, "What's wrong with choosing to not fight? That is a good thing, no?" Well.. Yes it is, if it was something minor and nonchalant. Especially those that blossomed from no positive motives, and it started due to mere immaturity and the human urge to 'feel' wanted from your mate via this incredibly dumb method.

An important point to note is that fights are a test of the endurance level of your relationship. If your relationship crumbles easily due to a fight that you had with your mate, then I guess you have either got more to work on (yourself, the relationship and your mate). At the mere poke of a finger, my past relationships have crumbled as they could not withstand that slight pressure. What I had done with my past lovers was to build a relationship based on well.. nothing at all. Hence it is worst than the game "Jenga", fragile and weak.

I don't pick fights with my current boyfriend to deliberately strengthen our relationship. Instead, what I aim is to enhance myself and him via our relationship. I have tons of weaknesses and I will be frank here, so does he. I'll give an example here: he is hot-tempered and gets agitated easily. It makes me jumpy when he is agitated. Remember what I said before about how I dislike dealing with negative emotions (be it mine or others)? Well.. in this scenario, sure I can simply withdraw myself from his agitated behaviour and immerse myself in my land of rainbows and unicorns like before. However if I were to do that, then I would be submitting myself to my weakness and this relationship would be over even before I could say the word 'sabotage'.

It isn't easy to fight. Anyone who has ever stood his/her ground in a fight with their mate before would know that giving in is a hell lot easier. Yes, one party has to give in eventually but it should only be done for the right reasons (ie. the lesson that is to be taught has been learnt or acknowledged) and no, this doesn't mean that you should in any way prolong the fight any longer than it should be. After all you shouldn't forget the point: FIGHTS ARE DEPRESSING.

In conclusion, do note that it is nice to give your mate a big hug and a re-affirmation of your feelings for him/her. It is not wrong to say "I'm sorry" but do take note of the reasons for your apologies. Dish out "thank you" for the right reasons as well, so that they would hold a much more significant meaning as compared to the universal social meaning that the phrase holds.