Seriously, what am I doing?

Monday, August 13, 2012

For the blog-ders reading this now, do you remember the last time you had to edit an entry because you were afraid of being judged for what you wrote? Or perhaps you were already judged and hence you removed it to PLEASE the other party? Well.. I do. Some bitch got upset over what I wrote and so some scumbag MADE ME edit my words remove the entire post. Anyway, that's history.

Back to the main subject,
WHAT AM I DOING?

I honestly.. don't know.

It has been a seriously long time since I asked myself that question. I could and I would blame all my other worldly factors but myself. For eg. School? My current relationship? (No offence there, Roddy) Work???

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND. *sends a gazillion flying kisses in his direction*

I guess I am somewhat in the right direction of the calling of my life? There are a million things that I wanna do/become while I still can take in another breath of air for the next second. Life is too short to set boundaries so soon. I see Roderick becoming a superstar with fans all over the world.

Him rocking out on the stage with hundreds (or perhaps thousands!) of crying screeching screaming girls standing below, holding vanguard sheets and hard-boards that has his name written all over them and they are decorated hearts and glitter! I can hear them screaming, "RODERICK!!! I LOVE YOU!!!" and then like in those recorded shows of the concerts held by popstars, the star gives thanks for their love, sparklers ignite at the background and the girls scream louder. I know, so dramatic and yes my imagination has indeed gone wild. My visualisation skills are incredible! Oh and, I'm not quite done yet with my visualisation! HERE COMES MY PART.

I see myself as.. a celebrity wife. LIKE DUH, if not?! I am BORN TO BE A 太太 OK? *kicks up legs and places feet on the coffee table*

However, I think I would die of boredom if I were to be cooped up at home all day and most importantly, depend on my husband for allowance. That's right, my independence kicking in at the precise moment to contradict my desire. Just kick me in the butt already.

I was thinking.. I definitely cannot and well, I don't think I will, be an Occupational Therapist then. I can't see it that way. I was thinking along the line of venturing into entrepreneurship. Not fashion.. I can't design for nuts. I LOVE TO SHOP, but designing clothes is a whole other thing. But! Creating my own line of polishes is very much possible.. Haven't people always say, Do what you love? Well.. the world could do with a little more polishes that are quality-assured, has brilliant shades, unique designs, definitely wearable and realistic for all the girls out there in the world! ((:

I HEARTS POLISHES!

Alright, so I'll leave my castle that is build high up in the clouds and come back down to planet earth already. It's too soon to think of marriage? Hmm.. yes? And, no?

Let us take a quick jog down the timeline. I am currently 20 this year. My intentions are to get married when I am in my late 20s. I have no intentions of keeping my options opened and most definitely do not wish to be with anyone else other than the person that I am with now. I am more than satisfied with my current relationship. I agree that he isn't perfect, but judging from the past 5 months that I've known him, he has most certainly proven himself to be worth closing all my other doors for. I have friends who tell me, "Hey, your boyfriend is a 'keeper' for sure!" Whether they said it out of good intention or that they truly mean it, I'll leave it for you to decide. Nonetheless, if a guy merely LAUGHS and looks at me LOVINGLY, when I FART OUT LOUD in front of him accidentally, hey! That means a hell lot to me and I am definitely keeping him!

I have had enough boyfriends to last me for the rest of my lifetime. I just want someone to spend the rest of my life with. Settling down is a scary thought indeed. I'll admit, I am scared. Not because he might not be the right choice (as mentioned and explained before, he is MY right choice) but rather, there are still so many things in life that I wish to do. I wanna travel, for a whole entire year. To different places in the world. Maldives, Krabi, Carribean Islands, Switzerland, Transylvania? Okay.. I need to give more thought to that last one there.

My point is, there are still so many things in life to live for, and I do not wish to have to give any one of those things up. Thankfully for me, I know that I have a man here (YES, A MAN OKAY. DON'T LAUGH!) who pushes me to do the things I want, he doesn't cage me nor put up any restrictions for me. OTHER THAN... wearing clothings that reveals my cleavage too much. He says that if it can turn him on, it can turn any other guy on and hence he doesn't like it and forbids me to wear anything too skimpy.

Meh~ Who thinks that I'd listen to his restrictions? *DENG DENG DENG!* First-prize!! I am rebellious by nature. However I do know my limits and his concerns, therefore I do not wear anything that I deem as 'overboard'. Fair enough ya?

A friend once told me that are 4 drivers in life. Family. Work. Love. Friends. To be successful in life would to be juggle these 4 factors and have them in a state of equilibrium. If any one of these factors were to thrive more than others, then it would simply mean that one of them is taking a back seat, which is incredibly detrimental to life. I agree with her on it.

Oh and, by the way.. SEET SHIYING, TEXT ME WHEN YOU SEE THIS OKAY! I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE LIKE... VOYAGE DE LA VIE!!! THAT WAS IN MARCH!! IT'S AUGUST ALREADY!! 5 WHOLE MONTHS! RAWR! DON'T MAKE ME CRASH TEMBUSU AGAIN!! I WILL IF I HAVE TO!

It is impossible to not re-adjust or perhaps even make changes to my plans for life after I met Roderick. If he hadn't told me that I was his "The One", his True Love, the person he wants to marry and spend the rest of his life with.. I would have persisted on with my plans for life before I met him, just so that if anything went wrong, I had something to fall back upon.

For the past few months, I had been thinking... Was it really worth it for me to give up that back-up plan? Am I being stupid? Am I being silly? Do I really want to do that? And having been deliberated on that thought for so long, I have an answer at last.

Yes, I want to give up on that back-up plan. Reason? Because if I don't, all is doomed to fail.

We can't move forward if we keep looking back. However, looking back is also necessary as it helps us to reflect and remind ourselves of our goals and aims in life.

If the world is one day raged by an apocalypse of zombies, and fortunately, the zombies are all secured in a city and the city is separated from the world by a high wall that is about.. say 5-storeys high? You are on that wall and you have 2 choices.

1) There is a safety net behind you on the 2nd storey ready to catch you. There are ammunitions prepared, enough food that will last you forever? The only catch for the fabulous deal is: the zombies.

2) There is no safety net in front of you. No guarantee that you will thrive in the world outside. One thing for sure, there are no zombies there. The catch is: it is 5-storeys high, you might die from the jump.


Which would you pick?

I hate zombies. I even told Roderick before, if our world gets raided by zombies while we are still alive, please kill me first (put a gun to my head or strangle me or throw me off a building and etc.) as I do not wish ever have to face zombies. Henceforth, I would pick option two. What's yours? (:

Now I am badly distracted by clothes sold on the blogshops that I frequent and if it wasn't because I forgot to remind my student that it was pay-day during my last session with her on Saturday, I would be placing my order for that pretty pair of flag shorts or the high-wasit classic cut apricot shorts...

My tribal bag is out-of-stock :( SEE LAH RODERICK WOO, NEVER NIAO ME TO BUY IMMEDIATELY!!!! You will suffer from my whining till our shipment from Malaysia finally arrives at my doorstep! I do hope it comes tomorrow.. Been waiting for more than 2 weeks for it!

I shall now continue with my Sociology revision.. The notes for the chapter Socialisation is taking forever to get done. Why is that bloody chapter so wordy and so damn long?!! *procrastinates*