Not what I intended to be writing

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Technically, I should be writing about my trip to MEMA with Rod, the beef pastrami subway which I had with him for brunch on one fine sunny Sunday and add colourful pictures to that entry. Unfortunately that entry has got to wait, because I am feeling rather... reflective now.

I stopped living life like an ant — mundane and lifeless.

I stopped convincing myself that I can rock short hair and admit that even my wardrobe disagrees with the length of my hair. I stopped dreading the days when I would paint my nails for the sake of painting them, but rather just enjoy having applied a nice and moderate coat of polish over my nail successfully without having made a mess all over my cuticles. I stopped bothering my mind with questions on what is my goal in life constantly, and worrying that I am a no-good-for-nothing because I don't really know what sort of money-making activity I would like to do.

I realised that the reason why I'm getting sloppy is because I am wearing casual clothes all the time (or at least that's what I'm picking to wear lately!) instead of the smart casual wear I used to don often. I stopped deluding myself that the clothes available for sale at blogshops are equivalent to the ones sold at retail outlets, and that what I see will be what I get thus there isn't a need for me to shop physically. (No, I am not going to stop harping about that freaking pile of clothes I bought online that is hidden in my wardrobe. I detest it.)

I stopped living life just for the sake of getting it by, but rather... instead of constantly looking at the big picture of things, I started focusing on the things within the picture and hey, it's a whole lot more interesting and (somehow) more meaningful that way! I started taking pictures again lately for my blog. Not a lot.. but it's better than none at all! It is just so much harder to whip out my camera and start taking pictures again. I haven't been doing that for the past couple of months and umm.. I think Rod would feel weird if I start doing that? (Lame reason I know, but it's on my mind)

I'll finally admit, I am in possession of a very strong and proud ego. I can't swallow and submit to anyone. It kills me to have to do that. Most importantly, I'll generate hatred for the person whom I have to submit to. All humans are equal, no matter how powerful you might be materialistically, politically or in any other way. I do my best to maintain an equal level of standing with everyone whom I have a relationship with. The only time when I would submit to a person is when the person exhibits behaviour that deserves my respect, which usually means that I am in awe of the person. If one of my previous tutee, who is only 11 years old this year and terribly mischievous, can tell me things and display a behaviour (which only happens occasionally when he isn't too busy thinking of new mischiefs to commit) can earn my respect and leave me in awe, I believe that everyone in this world can. It is just a method of how the person chooses to be and to act.

***

Colour coordination, so important. And what ever happened to my high tolerance level for heat?

Wisdom tooth extraction in a couple of hours. I will be prescribed anti-biotics which will once again cause my stomach to churn like a washing machine. I will be drinking my own blood till I feel like a vampire and repulse at the slight recognition of the distinct metallic taste which would dance around my tongue and then slide down my throat.

I'll be getting my year 1 semester 1 examination results tomorrow as well. I've got confidence in my social sciences paper.

Mm.. I need sleep. Goodnight.