Pretty

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Yesterday was the last day of my first clinical attachment, and I know that I will miss the staff and patients at the rehabilitation centre dearly.

During one of my client's treatment session, I heard his maid praising me a couple of times to him, saying "Look. Sophie is pretty uh? Pretty Sophie!" (FYI: client has cognitive problems so he isn't very responsive to anything which has no relations to either food, numbers or puzzles) Anyway, so.. Wow! I haven't heard anyone say that I'm pretty in a very long while.

My boyfriend has never complimented me saying that I'm pretty k! Alright I'll be fair to him and add this statement: I do not remember and am not consciously aware of him saying that I'm pretty. And to think he complains on how I don't compliment him anymore when I always still do. Okay maybe I AM just praising him a little LESSER lately, because he's been working out and getting buff, and so he keeps asking me for my input on whether his muscles have grown bigger, and I can sincerely and truthfully tell you that it has, however I'm being a pain in his ass by refusing to tell him that and I keep on annoying him by saying that if he doesn't eat more and work out regularly, he is just gonna DEFLATE back to being a skinny wimp again LOL. Fhl for having just an irritating girlfriend who likes his muscles so much that I want them to still be there in the long-term and not just the short-term.

I think that ever since I sliced my hair short, it was the time when the word "pretty" became dissociated with me and it was replaced with "cute". (In this context, "adorable" and "cute" have the same definitions and yes, I'm incredibly anal about that lol!)

Just a quick jog down memory lane:
1) In 2009, I was fat, and henceforth the word "pretty" is not in the picture.
2) In 2010, I started slimming down. I became from fat to plump to average, in the span of one year. I was mostly depressed an emotional during that year and umm.. guess I started knowing that I was pretty at the end of the year but it hadn't sunk in yet then?
3) In 2011, I became thin and started being associated with the word "pretty" and yes, it sunk in deep. I remember how before I go out every single time, I would look into the mirror and make sure that I look PRETTY before I permit myself to step out of my room and then out of my house. Maybe that's why I was always late! Oops! Hahaha!

I can still remember a few instances that happened in 2011 which helped to build my self-esteem.

Point to note: I know I seem really confident with myself most of the time, but I actually have a rather low self-esteem. Surprise surprise? Lol

Instance #1
While I was working at Esprit, my older colleagues had a tendency to comment on how pretty I am and kept attempting to matchmake me with this other younger boy who was working as a part-timer at esprit as well. That boy is A LOT younger k. I think.. 3 years? Or 4? Can't really remember already.

Instance #2 & #3
Working at Science Centre. That's when the word "pretty" really sunk deep into me.

#2: I decided to help out another team who was working in the same department as I was at SSC, and was told to help pick up a bunch of school kids and their teachers who signed up to attend a short presentation and then a guided walk through an exhibition.

I reached the foyer, saw the bunch of kids and their teachers and approached the nearest teacher to confirm that they were the bunch of kids whom I was looking for. (FYI: teacher was a male) So after conversing briefly with the teacher to ensure that they were the people whom I was looking for, one of the kids (secondary school) asked her teacher: "Teacher, is that one of the school's teacher? She's so pretty!!" The teacher replied hurriedly, "No lah! Not our school teacher!"

I swear that the teacher ha a really embarrassed expression on his face because of what his student said, and he gave his student the look saying "What the hell you talking?! Shut up now!" Freaking funny! Hahaha!

#3: During one of the guided tours at one of the exhibitions, a group of 3 girls stopped me in my tracks and asked me: "Teacher, can we please take a picture with you? You are very pretty!" Honestly what went through my head then were these thoughts: What? Picture? Facebook? Upload? Everyone know? Is this a joke? Sarcastic? Really? Picture? Pretty?

I was rather hesitant initially (I was really being humble k! Not acting!!) and the girls begged me a little more before I gave in to their request. The girls were really joyful after our short photo-taking session. Their smiles were really what that made my day — not the compliment even though it truly did feel good (:

Instance #4
Went out on a date with this dude which was not a date initially or at least I didn't think of it that way, but he did and so it became a date... Dude kept complimenting on how pretty I am and had this look on his face that said "Gee! I'm so lucky to be out here with this pretty girl now! All you guys who are sitting around us, dig this and go die of jealousy! Muahahaha!" Again, really amused by his expression and okay maybe I exaggerated a lot on his thought but if you are able to form a mental image on how his expression was, yeap that's the one!

Instance #5
Currently ex-friend, but was a friend before, kept trying to matchmake me with the guys she knew. In her opinion, I was too pretty to be left on the shelves. I was a pretty flower who needed a seemingly matching exquisite vase to go with, and CANNOT be left to alone in my ugly reddish-brown pot to grow.

So she kept (trying to) introducing me to guys and then would later ask the guys on how they thought of me. (Personally I think she found it amusing to matchmake me but okay... it was rather amusing for me as well lol)

I remember how she was poking at me once after meeting one of her guy friends whom she confronted later on to get their input on how they felt/thought about me, and she was like "Eh Sophie! So what do you think about Jonathan? I asked him about you after the both of you met that day, and he says that you are very nice and really good.. and pretty! So how? Jonathan okay for you?" At that point of time my mind encircled around the word "pretty" and I didn't really pay attention to anything else, not even the guy okay! LOL poor dude?

So yeah, these were a couple of memories that I remember. The ones that had left a deeper impression in my mind. It took me awhile to accept and embrace the fact that I was/am pretty.

I haven't heard that word in a long whole, and it feels really good to be hearing that again. It feels even better than my bf's friend having told my bf (after his friend tried the brownies that I baked for bf which he brought to work to eat) that I'm a DEFINITELY a KEEPER because girls who can bake so well are freaking rare and that bf should never never let me go! Sorry la, I know I'm strange but I feel better when I'm complimented for my external appearance than for my skills because we all know how hard it is to receive any acceptance from the general public on our outer appearance.

I think I might just start being vain again (LOL) but with school... I don't know how I can possible be but I'll try. I really don't know how some girls in my class can be so prettily dressed for school every day. I don't know how they find time for it or can even possibly wake up earlier just so that they can step out of the house looking pretty, instead of simply picking out a hopefully presentable enough outfit for school every morning and then rush to school because the first lecture/lesson of the day is about to start! Really really take my hat off for them *takes bowler hate off my head and bows slightly*

It's really just so amazing (to me)!

Therefore, I really am an individual who acts like she is really extraordinary because she hopes to BE extraordinary, but really... I'm just an ordinary person like everyone else. (:

So much "really". What a mouthful! :O